Really cutting it close here, Jon, the fifth movie comes out tomorrow, and you’re only up to part three. Get it together, slacker!
Let’s talk about the Final Destination movies. Total budget has been $123 million, with total world wide theater revenues north of $600 million. It’s safe to say the series is a phenomenon that will likely break into the billion dollar mark after the next couple iterations. You know there will be a sixth, because people like me will continue to pay.
2006’s Final Dstination 3 is where the series crosses directly into 80s horror franchise land. Again we have boobs (but not till 33 minutes in), again we have a bunch of unlikable high-schoolers all on Death’s list. This time, our hero is Wendy, another brown-haired lass, and her lovable doofus bro-fiend, Kevin. She’s a dick to Kevin a lot at the begining, because she thinks bros can’t be nice. What a total twat. Oh and the black guy is a dick in this movie. Again.
Horror movies sure do feature a lot of strong female leads, right? I’m not just imagining this - as sexist as they are, constantly, lot’s of them have a babe beating the odds and getting out alive. Probably because audiences are more likely to give a shit about her. I don’t know, I don’t have the stats.
What I like about 3 is there are TONS of references to the past movies and some weird references to assassinated presidents, and let’s not forget 9/11! Also, Mac computers are used in all the films so far. Weird.
The director of the first movie, James Wong, comes back to direct, but it doesn’t matter, the movie is formulaic. The deaths are both more elaborate, and way more graphic. While the boobs at the tanning salon are nice, the burning to death is kind of gross. BUT HOLY SHIT, OMFG, this has my favorite death of the series. “I JUST WIN, KEVIN, THAT’S WHAT I DO, I JUST WIN!”
This is my worst and laziest review, yet, but this is the laziest FD. I mean, the fucking hook is that a digital camera predicted the deaths. Come the fuck on.
Anyway, I still liked it, because I’m part of the mouth breathing masses. I give it three hunky bros out of five unnecessary 9/11 references.
