That’s the thing about saying you’re going to write a four-parter, you actually have to do it or you look like a total lame-o to all your internet friends. Making it even worse, I have to get this shit done before the Friday opening of Final Destination 5 to remain timely. Ooooof. So instead of spending quality time in bed after a weekend that involved enduring a jorts filled NASCAR event, I’m watching a horror-movie sequel and writing my thoughts on it for my five loyal readers.
So 2003’s Final Destination 2 is not as good as the original but is in many ways the superior Final Destination film. Whassup, contradicting thesis! Ok, let’s party. The film takes place one year to the day after the explosion of Flight 180. The girl, we’ll call her Brunette, is about to hit up spring break with her homies and experiences a grisly (so fucking awesome) car crash, then wakes up to find that it hasn’t happened yet. She causes a bunch of people to survive, blah blah blah. Death starts coming for them in order. Oh wait, REVERSE order. I see what you did there.
Turns out! Everyone cheated death before, and death totally is gonna get them this time. ALSO, when they cheated death, they only did so because of the accidents from the first movie. So it’s like trickle down horror movie economics.
The internet is for lists right? So since I can’t string a paragraph together, here’s some cool stuff about this movie:
1. Ali Larter comes back and she is starting to look hot. And blonde.
2. There’s a bunch of cool turn-of-the-century product placement: old Macs, Mapquest, AOL Instant Messenger. Oh yeah, and don’t you love how people use computers in movies? I’m convinced actors don’t own computers in real life.
3. Boobs in the opening scene (YAY 80s style sequel titties for no good reason!).
4. More elaborate deaths.
5. This one really kicks off the whole thing where you think one thing is going to kill the victim, then you think it’s this other thing, then it’s a TOTALLY FUCKING DIFFERENT THING OMFG!
6. People of color.
Here’s some stuff that kind of sucks:
1. Tits in the opening scene. Cheapens the experience.
2. The cast is generally less likable than the first (even the pregnant lady). And we find out unceremoniously that Devon Sawa totally died at the end of the first one.
3. It adds some gimmicks that don’t make sense - reoccurring visions, and the whole new life cancels out death or some such shit. Looks like this is totally going to be part of FD5, but the idea of having to KILL somebody to cancel this shit out is WAY more intriguing. Also, CAPS.
4. Angry black guy is angry. In 2003.
5. It’s supposed to be on Long Island again, but it looks like Vancouver. There are fucking snow capped peaks in the background for fuck’s sake.
This isn’t the movie that totally goes over the top horror series cheese, but it gets close. The deaths are better and more elaborate, and is definitely totally worth watching. But I’m probably going to say that at the end of each one of these.
I give this four unnecessary boobs out of five:
